Events in UK

   South East

                     - In London Trafalgar Square "DJ" Fat Boy Slim will be breaking plates over his head then eating as many shards as he can in 10 minutes

                     - Dover will be painting all it's white cliffs red with the blood of a million crows splayed open by a drill wielded by Davina (I love TV) McCall

   South West

                     - In Bath city centre Cilla Black will perform the ping pong ball trick to while being accompanied by the band of the coldstream guards.

                     - Glastonbury will host a fireworks spectacular followed by 100 naked dancing dwarves smearing themselves in Tabasco sauce all for the braying public who will then be urged to throw sticks of fire at them.

   North

                     -  In Leeds there will be a celebrity sporting event. Bob Monkhouse will host the assortment of minor celebs from local radio and television competing in "wacky" events such as the three legged race.. guaranteed to be at least 5 people watching

                     - Hull will have some yokels catching fish with their mouths.. fun

   North West

                     - There will be a sponsored donkey race from Manchester to the Lake District. Each donkey will be on wheels and have its eyes constantly pecked at by crows.

   North East

                    - In Newcastle there will be a sponsored sing a long in the town centre. Anyone not singing loud enough will be shot be a BB Gun in the face.. all for charity

   Midlands

                  - Lots of stingy Brummies fighting for charity

   Elsewhere

                  - In Scotland they will be fighting to, and swearing at each other in a tribal orgy of haggis and steel, all for charity,  while in Wales they will be spitting.

Television and Radio

   Television will be fun and exiting with over 8 hours of non stop coverage from the Buglethon studios. Presenting the fun will be ex eastender's actress Tamzin Outhwaite and Bob Geldof. An amazing guest line up provide hours of humorous cheapo entertainment that will be pumped into your slacked jawed grinning mouths while YOU PICK UP THE PHONE AND DONATE.

   The fun starts at 7 on some channel with celebrity tramp wars where tramps are ridden by infamous celebs round an obstacle course and other amusing tramp abusing activities. After this is a comedy version of Lord Of The Rings with that fat comedienne being not very funny. After this most people will fall asleep or turn over. In between programmes and studio bits will be images of poor people that put you of your food so look away.

   Radio is joining in with live coverage of Les Dennis being eaten by ants. Although you won't be able to see it just hear his annoying vocal screams as the miniature creatures nibble their way through his epiglottis.