The Pigeon Destruction League

  If you've been to any city centre you'll know the problems with the flying rats. Many a time have people been decapitated by the vermin wings. In 1984 a small child was shredded by a pack of hungry disease birds. All because the small child waved a chip at them. BASTARDS I hear you cry..

  There have been many cases reported recently of pigeon crime becoming uncontrollable. One such case is of a gang of pigeons mugged an old woman from Grimsby then fled of in a stolen Vauxhall Nova heading towards Lincoln. Another grim case involved 15 pigeons mooning into McDonalds window before defecating down the side of a statue dedicated to Mark Fowler actor Todd Carty.

Picture  - The Foul Criminal Scum

The Statue of Todd Carty defecated down the left side of his face

   With your help we plan to send Buglethon sponsored hit squads wearing silly jumpers to catch the pigeons with large nets in many humorous ways because this is Buglethon after all. Once caught they will be fed into mincing machines which are set up in local infant schools. This meat can then be given to the 3rd world as they are hungry.. 3 Cheers to Buglethon.

Reinvent A Tramp

   This Charity has been going several years but need our help to continue. Tramps are a common problem just like pigeons -  They litter up and steal bits of food of the floor but amazingly some of them using the same language as us. Reinvent a Tramp aim to get all of the tramps in the world at least become useful members of society. If not they ship them to the 3rd world where they can mix in happily with the other poor.

   Some examples of the work they have carried out proves that this charity is well worth supporting. Mick Hucknal started out so well. He even had a steady job making weird noises from his mouth. Then it all went wrong. After losing his job he went onto the streets and became a right tramp. This picture of him shows what he was like:- A right tramp

   But with the help of the charity he is now a doorstop in a bakery in Stevenage.  A job he enjoys. he even gets bread given to him so does not have to fight pigeons to eat crumbs dropped in the park.

   Other tamps have gone on to be clowns entertaining kids in circus tents up and down the country. Donna, 9, from up north said "he was really funny, but he did smell, which was funny....I've just wet myself".

   Joe was just a normal beggar standing under a cash point but with the help of Reinvent A Tramp he is now a Land mine clearer in Bosnia. A job he enjoys, he may have lost a leg but things are better for him then they ever were. "Spare some change" he said. Its true that most of the tramps can't speak as they are stupid. Well 15 tramp schools have been set up teaching them very basic communication. Once qualified they will then be sent to work in telephone call centres up and down the world. A job they can pick up easily.

   Tramp reinvention is a very risky affair. With over 1500 accidental tramp deaths we need more money so we can improve our services and help make the world a nicer place.